ITS NOT ALL ABOUT ME...

The Frieslaar family came to spend Christmas with us last year. As always we had a wonderful time enjoying each other.

Hansie had his eyes closed as he got his chemo. We were sitting next to each other that day and had just gotten to know each other, finding out we both loved Jesus. As he opened his eyes slowly, our eye’s met. I could see the reality of starting this new course of chemo was setting in. ‘One day at a time’, I said (repeating his words of earlier to me). ‘I’m now doing this for my family’, he said.

The very real thing about going through something like cancer and its treatment, is that on many levels it effects our loved ones more than it does us who have the cancer. Those who have given their hearts of love to others, impact those very people when difficult times come. Loving has its price I suppose. But it’s a price well worth paying.

I know that during those first days of my diagnosis, most of my thoughts and tears were about my family. And, even now, much of my planning scenario’s are over what will be best for them. I recall also calling family and friends to let them know what was happening. I recall feeling so concerned about how they were/are doing with hearing everything. But, again it’s a love price worth paying as it says I love you with all my heart. It’s a hard thing to feel the suffering of those you love with all your heart. I remember feeling so frantic about ensuring mom had someone with her when she got the news… About someone checking up on one friend who had cried so bitterly with me on the phone… To call another back again because she couldn’t take it all in at once…

The other thing is that they have to watch us struggle, and feel they can do very little to help. They also have much loss to process through but can feel like they shouldn’t be feeling the myriad of feelings because they’re not the one with the cancer. But, their suffering is just as real, if not harder to cope with than ours. They also have to ‘keep it together’ when we are unable to cope in our usual way. I recall fondly those times I watched individuals come alongside Mark, JJ and Kara, just being with them, helping them with something, spoiling them, asking them how they were doing and waiting to really listen or just talking about normal things. These all helped them and me so much. Not everyone did everything and others were many kilometers away.

There is not too much one can say to make things feel or look better in the midst of the storms of life. But, the interested presence of loved ones who ‘see’ you means more than any words. Shared experience, shared tears, shared confusion, shared times of prayer (even miles away), reassure you that you’re not alone. Thank you for sharing this journey with us.

Pray for Hansie and his family as they deal with cancer. Hansie’s children are in their 20’s.

Pray for Mark, JJ and Kara as they watch me go through chemo side effects and as we work as a unit to get through this time.

Pray for our loved ones who are standing with us through this time.

Smudge is perhaps the only 'person' not hassled by my constant need to lie down. She's always ready to be a bed buddie.