TEMPTATIONS...

Sharing some of our journey with the ZEBS students

As I’ve learned and worked with disabled people, practiced how to listen and counsel and as I’ve dealt with my own disablity; I’ve seen the truth in how we go through stages as we cope with loss or grief.

Denial. When one goes ‘oh no, it can’t be’.

Bargaining. Trying to get things back to normal… ‘If I do it all right, will you stop this Lord?

Anger. Settling into a phase of being angry at the unfairness, the cost, the pain of it all.

Depression. That follows as things don’t go back to normal - the way one is wanting.

Acceptance. Letting go and settling into the new normal with an attitude of being able to look foreward to live.

Its been a different journey for me tackling these stages with cancer. The feelings have been the same, but I’ve also become aware of the temptations along the way. I must reemphasize here that I am a REAL believer in the process of grief. I’m also a real believer in that each person tackles their situation in a unique way, because the Lord has put us all together in unique ways. So no way of grieving is right or wrong in my opinion.

But I am very aware of the pitfalls of temptation in this journey… The Lord says ‘trust me’, ‘keep your eye’s on me as you step into the unknown’, ‘I will make a way where there seems no way’….There have been very definite temptations along the way – serving to get my eye’s off of Him and onto ‘me’.

Denial. The temptation has been deciding not to be realistic. Some amount of pushing away of ‘all’the reality is necessary in order to survive, one day to the next. But, there did seem to come a point to choosing to start dealing with the realities before us, or not.

Bargaining. As I bargained with the Lord, the temptation I sensed was blaming myself. What had I done to deserve this punishment? What could I have done differently, to have prevented this from happening to us? The truth is that sometimes bad things happen. I’m not in control - God is. He is not a God who dishes out punishment for no reason. He is a god of grace.

Anger. Here the temptation was blaming other people. Placing blame and guilt in a situation like cancer is not helpful or even necessary.

Depression. Here the temptation has been to be filled with self pity. There is a difference between depression and self pity I realize. Depression is sadness over the loss. Self pity is getting down on oneself. It immoblises me, as it gives me permission to wallow. Where does my help come from? It comes from the Lord. The great battle of the will in this stage has been choosing to keep my eye’s‘up’ even when there seems more than enough reason to wallow in self pity.

Acceptance. Here the temptation has been to hold onto unforgiveness. Or, hold onto what I had planned life to look like before this all happened. The reality (the new normal) for us is cancer check ups for the rest of my life. Embracing that as the new normal has been a conscious decision.

Thankfully, we are able to embrace all these steps and pitfalls of the journeys we are on with confidence. Not in ourselves, but in the grace of the Lord Jesus who wants to guide and use us each step of the way.