I am starting this blog at the request of friends. I also wanted a place where my thoughts could be easily available to Mark and the kids. This journey started for me in July 2010 when I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. I started chemo in August, had my mastectomy in Nov, complete the first bout of chemo by christmas, completed 5 weeks of radiation in March and am presently undergoing my last series of a different chemo.

I am also visually impaired. And, the week before I got my cancer diagnosis, I completed an article which I wrote largely for myself. As I ventured into the new journey of coping with cancer, the Lord used these very words to keep my eye's up. I am attaching it below, so that you can get to know me a bit better. I know that life is glittered with many challenges and joys. I also know from personal experiance, that life often allows us to juggle more than one of these at a time. My prayer is that my process might be an encouragment to you as you possibly go through a challenging time of your own. I know I am not alone in the struggles and the joys of life. Thank you for listening.

GOD USES US IN OUR WEAKNESS…!

We have been ‘missionaries’ for almost 12 years now. My journey with the Lord has shown me the truth of this statement on many levels. I wanted to share one of these…

I have a degenerative eye disease (Retinitis Pigmentosa RP), which causes night blindness and steadily reducing visual fields (tunnel vision and blindness). I was diagnosed when I was in my early 20’s. Back then my limitations were being unable to drive and play sport in the manner that I was used to. My vision has steadily decreased and now at 45 I have about 20% of my visual field and completely blind in the dark and half light – functionally meaning many more limitations and using a long cane in unfamiliar or crowded situations. As I now experience the reality of adjusting my world around my limitations rather than (as in the past), structuring my world so that I could be as independent as everybody else: I have asked the Lord many times – ‘Can you use me like this?’

His answer is always a resounding ‘yes’. He has designed me perfectly for His plan for my life; as He has everyone (Jeremiah 29:11) – for the ways He wants me to serve Him but also for the lessons He wants me to learn along the way. We are the body of Christ, I am just not the preverbial eyes!

I am always amazed at the things He uses to open doors into relationship with others. We never know what the perfect ‘thorn in our flesh’ is that the Lord needs to draw someone to us. I have come to embrace my disability as a gift from the Lord. I do not always like it and I’m often daily reminded that things might be so much easier if I could see like other people. But, would they….? He has us all on different paths for His purpose. My path, for the moment, includes deteriorating vision. Trying to rid myself of that might mean ridding myself of the very thing He needs in my life to fulfill my purpose/s. Romans 9:17 … "I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." (NIV) Maybe the Lords power at work in me as I live with my RP might better be proclaimed than if He healed me right now! As we minister with hurting people, I am very aware of how much closer my challenge brings me to understanding a small part of the pain others are dealing with.

I have to depend on others now for things I never used to. I believe the picture of my dependence on others, is a picture of how the body of Christ is meant to look. Us all fulfilling our function while relying on others for the things we’re not called to do, yet need in order to be complete. 1 Cor 12:18 But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.(NIV) Dependency is often a hard pill to swallow in our world where perfection is the goal and where people are so busy. But the Lords ways are not our ways and we are challenged to live in the world but not as the world . People need to see our focus is different. They see that when they walk alongside us through difficult times.

As I think of the Body, I think of the incredible people the Lord has placed in my life in order to allow me the privilege of serving Him actively on the mission field. My husband, and incredible life partner. We work together seeking the Lords will for each other and as a family unit. Without him, I would be unable to shine. My incredible children who get on with life while making sure mom does not fall in holes or walk into walls. My visual impairment is just part of life for them. Our friends, family and colleagues who don’t notice that I’m ‘different’ but see ‘me’. All would be impossible without such a ‘body’ around me.

But that’s the point, I think… We all have ‘things’ that can hold us back. The Lord wants to use us regardless of how small or insignificant we feel. He sometimes wants to use the very thing we feel is the most useless thing about us.

The truth when we’re in Jesus' service is that nothing is ever wasted. He builds vital things into our lives that He plans to use later. I am so thankful for my training and years working as an occupational therapist. Besides having LOVED those opportunites, I use my experience all the time in my own life and also with others around me. Our years serving the Lord in a crisis counseling center built into our hearts an understanding of the dynamics around HIV and life issue’s which He is using more and more in our new place of ministry. There are so many facets to each of us. I am thankful that my visual impairment is just one of the facets in mine. I am blessed to make my home, to home school my children and to serve alongside my husband training others as peer counselors – not to mention being in charge of the gardens at our place of ministry, low vision and all!

We serve an incredible Lord who wants and does use us just as we are. (Isaiah 64:8) With our hearts close to Him, minds full of truth and our eye’s on Him for His way foreword, how rich our lives are in service of our King… whether walking, using a wheelchair/long cane or standing despite the pain of disappointment or violation. He is able to do far more than we can ever think or imagine. Our experience of ‘life’ is that there is much pain and suffering this side of heaven. What a blessing to be able to share in some of those hardships while knowing He is in control and using everything.

2 Cor 4:16-18 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (NIV)

Pray for disabled and able-bodied alike, who the Lord is calling to fulltime service.

Mark and Barbara Hugo serve with SIM alongside ZEMA at Sunbury Christian Camp, KZN.