‘We hope there is no more cancer.”
“We hope to travel and visit you soon.”
These are 2 of the many things I’ve been asking the Lord for clarity on. I’ve been thinking a lot about the word HOPE these past weeks.
As we anticipate our first PET scan next week, following a year of chemo and radiation treatment, we hope (desire) for the best, but prepare for the worst. We have found it healthier for us to keep both sides of the ‘scales’ in sight. Gosh, I hope (want) more than I can say, that the scan is clear… but, I also need to ‘know’ that it might not be. One can maintain a positive outlook while doing this. Living day by day, making the most of each day or situation, enjoying people and situations… even while ‘waiting’ for reality to be seen. I need to hope (believe) within an atmosphere of reality. Faith then becomes a focus on the Lord’s plan and takes the pressure off of us having to somehow determine the future.
The emotional rollercoaster of trying only to hope (believe) it’ll all be okay… then dashing those hopes (wishes)…. We learned early on, takes soooooo much energy. So does reality… tho the rollercoaster effect is not as extreme. Its rather a constant opportunity to trust Him regardless of the uncertainty. I have had to choose to focus on now rather than next week! Giving into self pity being an ever present temptation. Some days, choosing to hand it over to Him moment by moment. ‘Not my will but yours’ is a constant prayer… not always an easy thing to mean.
Then there’s the hope (desire) for ones future… Facing my mortality has been a journey of discovery. My hope (salvation) is in Jesus Christ. I’m so thankful for the sacrifice He made on my (our) behalf. Because of His death on the cross, I can be forgiven daily of my sins and can approach my Father in heaven with confidence… completely loved and clean. My deepest hope (wish) is that all those I love would come to know this friend, who is Jesus. To know His forgiving grace (of which I still have so much to learn and experience).
Pray with us for teusdays scan. We will get the results from Dr Pillay on wed this week. The children will be with us.
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