CHOICES...

When your normal predicatable scedules get turned upside down, you have an opportunity to reevaluated things. One of the first things I realised when cancer did this for us, is that... I had control over very little in my life.
We do, howevedr, have control over possibly the most important things... our thoughts, attitudes and even our feelings. I had no control over my cancer, but, I had complete control over my reactgion to my cancer. I had choices.

4 choices that I've put a lot of energy into these past months have been...

1. I HAVE A CHOICE TO FIGHT THE REALITY OR ACCEPT/FACE THE NEW REALITY.
One does what one can to fight the disease with the Lords direction. But, facing the reality of the disease is the harder choice. yes, I have cancer. Yes, I can choose to face the reality it brings. My 3rd chemo, I fought the chemo as it went into my body, and I battled more in its aftermath than any of the other times. When I could face thr reality, anticipate the next step (tho I could only face one step at a time, looking too far down the line became overwhemlming)... I coped much better emotionally and physically.

2. I HAVE THE CHOICE TO PERSEVER IN TRUSTING GOD'S PROMISES TO ME.
He is in control, even when I felt out of control. He has us all in the palm of His hand and He can see past this life storm. My experiance was that I had to decidee to persever. Day by day.. minute by mintue on the harder days. Persevering in trust has given me a deeper understanding of His prescence with us in everything.

3. I HAVE THE CHOICE TO HOLD HIS BANNER HIGH EVEN AMIDST A TRIAL.
Some days it would take all my energy to keep my eye's 'up' on His face. Other days I failed. But, my experiance was that when I looked 'up', it allowed me to stop being so self oriented or introspective. I realised that he wanted to encourage and use me just where I was.
I also don't want people dogging Jesus for my cancer. I wanted them to love Him for how He helped me thourhg it.

4. I HAVE THE CHOICE TO BE OKAY WITH NOT UNDERSTANDING 'WHY'.
I see in part, He sees in full. That is the reality of this life. Eventually I could see that putting excessive energy into trying to figure out 'why' was going to take away from my recovery. Or, I could put my wish to understand 'why' at the foot of His cross and REST in His wisdom about the future.

How does one make such hard choices? I'm pondering just 2 ways...
Jesus answering the prayers of His people for us.
And, His GRACE. Only His grace gives us the strength to let go, when everything in us wants to hold on or have it our way. As followers of Christ, we need to continually learn how to live in a 'let go' manner.
GRACE.... Lord help us to understand more about your grace in our lives.