A THOUGHT....

2 of my brave little soldiers. The last 2 years have been so serious for them... here they have broad smiles at Disneyland, thanx to the generosity of dear friends. 

 We are now almost a year post last chemo and gearing up for our second PETscan. Although we are so very much aware of the Lord's grace to us, we're all bearing the signs of living 'on he edge of our seat' for so long. We're all tired. Not tired in hopelessness... just tired and in need of rest.

 This tiredness has effected the whole family because cancer effects the whole family. I have come to understand, maybe, a little of the essential difference between suffering and grief. Could I be so bold...:) But, this is just from my experiance.

 I suffered. 
Mark and the kids grieveed.

 As I suffered, I took control of my life by focussing on being His vessel into the dark places cancer allowed me to go. I could even come to a place of viewing the time as a blessing, hard as it was. 
Mark and the kids had to watch me suffer, unable to do anything to make it go away. They felt anything but blessed during that time, tho they were aware of blessings and grace to get through each day.

 I could reach out to others from my place of suffering. It was my choice of how to cope with the challenges ahead. It gave me a sense of being in control. 
Mark and the kids had no choice. Much of the time, they were wondering how to respond to how I was responding :) They didn't have the priveledge of a sense of control.

 I was justified to cry and scream if I wanted. Tho I was very spoilt as I suffered. 
Mark and the kids had to be strong. Strong for me, each other and those around us. Afterall, I was the one with cancer... But, they needed safe relationships where they could feel free to cry and scream too.

Now all of us are tired and in need of a time of rest. Tho I imagine, in many ways, Mark and the kids are the tiredest.

 Pray for us as we try and recharge: and, don't forget to respond to the families of those who are suffering. They need your love too.