SURRENDER...

Our ZEMA family...  who listened graciously to these 3 messaged.  

Surrendering to His plan was what kept me sane during this journey of cancer.  The miracle of His peace regardless of what is in the present was so sweet. 

The longterm struggle over months and months had consequences, which have stayed with us in this last year and half post cancer treatment…. Tiredness, exhaustion which lead to depression for all of us.  Evidence of these feelings is not evidence of lack of faith.  I say this because I know without a doubt that my trust in His plan has not waivered.  But, it shows that we’re human and that He is able to give us what we need to get through.  We just need to hold onto His hands with both of oursJ

As I’ve thought about this heavy period, I realize that Mark and I coped in different ways.  He wanted to sink and I wanted to swimJ 

I’m an action person, so it makes sense that I’d want to keep my head above the water during a time of crisis.  I’d put all my energy into it.  Trying to get all the stuff done in my day that I wanted or needed to.  I’d at least ‘look’ like I was doing okay.  I’d feel good because I could see some productivity and I’d feel a bit more in control.  The downside to my coping strategy though, was that I got more and more and more exhausted, trying to haul myself and the family along.  I started to drown….

Mark is the thinker in the family.  His preferred coping strategy was to sink.  By sinking he could get away from ‘it’ for a while, he could think, process and decide how to take his next step.  He could also rest by sinking. He could recharge.  The downside of it though, was that he could emotionally desert the rest of us. 

In reality, Mark never could sink very much.  He had to try and cope as a swimmer.  This meant he started drowning a whole lot sooner than me… maybe 6 months into it all.  Maybe, if we’d realized in time, we could have found him space to sink, then he might have lasted for longer? 

But, maybe not… the reality for both of us, was that we started to drown.  We had to submit to Him again.  It was the only way to get help.  Only admitting, ‘I can’t Lord, only You can….’ and surrendering to His plan even from this dark and lonely place, was the only way to find help.  His life raft…  Hanging on to His hand was what has brought us through again to shallower waters.  And, what did that look like? You might ask….

I started to pray and Mark went to counseling. 

The beauty of being His children, is that we are not expected to cope in any specific way, just ours.  The beauty of being His child is that when we hold onto His hand, somehow He brings glory to Himself through the evidence of our faith in Him.  Being His children, we are safe, even tho we face huge obstacles.  We are His…. no matter what!

3rd of 3 messages shared at 2013 ZEMA conference.  I shared this after Mark has shared from Jeremiah.